I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
