I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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