Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Randomize
