Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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