Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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