i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
