He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
