Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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