Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
