i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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