I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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