I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
