Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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