Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
