waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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