I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
it's like heaven, but drunker
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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