he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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