My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
