ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
