Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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