sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
