Is it normal to miss your booty call?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
