when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
