fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I need water and some morals
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
