so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
