I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
