I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
