you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I supernannyed him into submission
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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