Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
