You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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