my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
