So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
