id be glad to
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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