Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
All I want is dick and wine.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
