Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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