Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
