Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
