jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
