That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
