There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
