When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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