is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
