If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
