hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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