As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
