His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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