Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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