i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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