like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
