She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
